haha

haha...tmr a maths..give up hope liao..so no need to study..well..for other subjects..i oso dun plan to study liao..next year sure retain wan...hmm..sec 3 2005..what dampens my mood more is that...i feel she's giving me face by talkin to me? she gives me the feeling like..'go away..i dun wan to talk to u'..haiz..wad can i sae..maybe she detest me...oh well..put it in another way..perhaps she deserves someone better den me bahx...if thats realli the case and she can find someone that realli loves her more den i do loh...den haiya...zhu fu de hua zheng me jiao wo shou de chu kou...haiz...i go rot liao..no mood to write liao...buai buaix..

finally...after hours

finally..after so many hours of searching..finally found a song that has lyrics quite similar to my feelings for her..ok..english translation..from part of An Jing(by jay chou)

i think that u have already made it very clear
i understand and i know
u will not miss me
u sae u will feel sad
i dont believe
WON'T become silent SO FAST
i will learn to give u up
it is because I LOVE U TOO MUCH

hmm..ok..thats all for now...will be back if i have the mood to write..actually i now also very depressed wan..over studies..NCC..and HER...

a big mistake

erm todae...when to bukit batok the mac there to study with daniel chai..yar..den surprisingly..i met her there..whoa shit man...now blaming myself..why did i not have the courage to talk to her..i myself dunno is i shy or dun dare to..well but i sat there for 2 hours..studying onli 4 pages..den no mood to eat oso..onli see daniel to eat..haiz..total loss of appetite....my mind is soo distrated with some thoughts...if this carries on..i'm sure to retain next year liao...and 1 more thing..she still haven sent me my mail...WHY? maybe she said she will reply is jus to make me happy wan lah..haiz..still trust me to take it so seriously...sheryne..i may not be able to give u everything or anything..but i can give u all my time and my heart..(actually..i have given u already..is jus that u wun accept it...so pls..at least reply my mail..let me know how u feel..and hopefully i will be able to forget u..if i REALLI MUST..but of course..i definitely hope not to..

she lied

erm..sorri for not updating for quite a while..but..lately no mood ar..den very troubled by some things nor..erm..got selected by CO for cadet exchange to India..but dunnoe can get through commander anot..well i dun care whether i can go or not lah actually...hmm..den fridae kena canned by DM...for being late for lesson for 5 min..whoa..he cane that tyme can feel the molecules inside my hand vibrating loh..den got scar..lucky temporary only..saturdae go away liao..den saturdae..got a new 'friend'..his name is yibiao i think..ya..very helpful..help to be me and sherynes middleman..ya..den he said that she will reply to my mail..so i came back at night..but sheryne said she too tired den sundae sure reply..can understand lah..got orienteering that dae..sure very tiring wan..so i waited anxiously for sundae...when sundae arrived..i waited online from morning to at night 10pm..she lied..she did not reply..heartbroken me...todae is mondae liao.. and i'm waitimg again..but so far..seems like no hope..but i will continue to wait...until she replies and until she accepts me..well..i wanna go slp a while 1st..later wake up den come online and wait again..buai buaix

:(:(:(

ahem...well...todae...1st dae back to school..something unexpected happened...erm..ya..got chance to go for cadet exchange..well..although chances damm slim..but i really wanted to go..notice i used the word 'wantED'..well..let me explain..when i knew got chance that tyme..i realli wanted to go..i felt quite troubled over the result..but now...i looked at it from another angle...maybe if i dun get to go..its a good thing instead..hehe..wads the good thing? well..that is..maybe if i stay in singapore..i might get to see sheryne..well..there are many things i want and need to say to her, maybe even do...but i have not yet had the chance..and here..i swear not to cry over her again..not because she is not worth it..but is because of some ego thing that hao feng told me...well..hao feng..he is a kind of fren which is like u dun talk to him..he wun talk to u..and also can be neglected easily..but when u really need a listening ear..he is always there...ya..so erm..hao feng..thanks a lot horx..and ya..yee lee is out of hospital...yea..

thoughts

todae...i went to meet my juniors at the mac at kallang...woke up..still troubled over the many things that happened yesterdae...i went to the mac without any appetite...juz bought a cup of tea...as thoughts ran through my mind...i was playing with the hot tea...plae and plae until spill..lucky got extra clothing..me and hao feng brought them to the beach for morning PT..after that i screwed them...maybe i was too harsh..but the way they treated sheryne...realli broke my heart...and it also reflects badly on the unit's image..okok...sori to my juniors...halfway through the course i found out that yee lee was hospitalised..me and hao feng went down to hospital to see him...he sure was bored...as i left the hospital..i asked myself one question which i realli want to noe the answer...if i was the one who is hospitalised..would sheryne bother to come and see me? i think she wont..at the most...she will onli send her regards..well..i jus wan her to noe that the number of breaths she takes...is the number of times i'm thinking of her...and as for joanne...my heart no longer has any space for anyone cos sheryne has filled my heart..no one will ever be able to replace her..she has become my soul...i will remain the lifeless me i am right now without her...my life realli cant go on without her...i have no soul...a souless person now..sheryne...erm...I LOVE U...(it took me lots of courage to type these words)..pls give me life..please?

i need u

this entry...firstly..i wanna sae a very sooper big thank u to sheryne for helping out at kallang todae...todae...i went out with her and mary...not much might have happened...but to me...it was sure a lot...we went to watch a movie just now...mary and her were enjoying the movie...while i had plenty of thoughts running through my head..few drops of tears broke out durin the movie and i was realli feelin upset...i have never shed a drop of tear over a girl in my life...and this is the 2nd tyme...and its over the same girl...i just cant control myself...i'm even captivated by ther slightest actions just like sleeping or staring into blank space...i lost all appetite...i feel very weak..more like sick...i've gotta see the doctor...but no doctor can cure my disease...its like na terminal disease that onli 1 person in this world can cure...and thats her..but she doesn't want to cure me...hey..i realli like u..i find that i cant carry on like this without u...please heal me...can u pls give a chance? i realli need u...